Project Ramona: How I Got Twisted
9/26/2012 2:59:00 PM
I don't crave bread like I did before my gastric bypass surgery, but there is one doughy delight I just had to have. Last Thursday morning I woke up with the Panthers, and more specifically hunky Cam Newton, on my mind. After beating the Saints on Sunday, I was feeling good about our chances against the Giants. I wore my black and blue to work and planned to treat myself to my favorite sporting event treat that night... a soft pretzel. I thought about how I'd slather it with mustard and enjoy it while watching the NFL's hottest quarterback lead the team to victory.
I should've kept my behind home! I got to the game early and bought my pretzel just before kickoff. I couldn't even wait to get to my seat before taking the first bite. After about 4 bites I was done. The tiny tummy was full and I was ready to cheer for my Panthers. By the end of the third quarter two things were clear. Carolina was going to lose and that pretzel was gonna cause problems.
I started feeling a little queasy so I headed home early. There was an annoying Giants fan in front of me and an annoying know-it-all Panthers fan behind me and they were making me feel worse. I went straight to bed in a football funk. The next morning it was off to Coffee & Conversation at the Southern Women's Show. The tummy didn't feel great, but I knew I could tough it out. I even had a bit a coffee and some fruit for breakfast.
A few hours later it hit. Nausea that made my eyes bulge and a tightness in mid section that made me feel like I could explode. I called Lynn and Libby at Catawba Valley Medical Center.
Libby: "Hello this is Libby"
Me: Help! (gag, gag) It all started with 1/3rd of a soft pretzel at the Panthers game! My tiny tummy is in trouble.
Libby: I think the doughy pretzel caused a bit of a blockage. Warm liquids and some Prilosec should do the trick. If you don't feel better within 24 hours of the pretzel we'll get you in this weekend.
Me: (gag, gag) I'll try it. I'm headed to CVS right now!
Right on schedule. I was back to normal around 6pm. Early this morning, before I had a chance to update Libby, CVMC's surgical weight management dietician, Lynn, called ME! Now THAT's some good aftercare. I know Lynn and Libby are there for me. I've had just two other issues since my surgery. There was some serious constipation and a run-in with some broccoli slaw, but I never thought I'd get twisted by an innocent soft pretzel. In each case I had absolutely no doubt my CVMC team would be there to get me through it. I don't have to make a ton of calls to beg for assistance. I don't get the run-around from people who don't want to hear from me now that the surgery is done. I GET CARE!
Lynn told me that sometimes there are foods that just don't behave in a patient's smaller "pouch." Its different for different people. So for the sake of my tiny tummy (and just in case my solft pretzel consumption somehow brings on shameful Carolina losses) I swear on my new size 8 Panthers blue skinny jeans that I will never buy a soft pretzel at Bank of America Stadium again!