Project Ramona: What's Happening on the Inside?
5/16/2012 4:57:00 PM
Last week after posting my blog on Facebook, I got this message from a friend named Lisa:
"You are lovely, Ramona. I see outside changes. Would love to peak inside and see what, if anything, has changed in you "
Wow! That one makes me think. The physical changes since my gastric bypass surgery are obvious. The emotional changes... not so much. I'd say the biggest things you'd see on the inside are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Open me up and you'd see larger doses of both gratitude and insecurity.
Let's start with the insecurity so we can end on a positive note. I've always been the chubby funny girl. Part of me wonders if people will think they can't relate to me anymore. That insecurity was accidentally fueled by a friend. We've shared our weight loss woes with each other for nearly 20 years. When I hit the 30 pound mark she asked me, "will you still want to hang with me when you get skinny?" I know it was her insecurity talking, but I was hurt that she'd think that I'd run out and find a thinner friend to replace her. I've got friends in all sizes and colors. My insecurity wonders if they'll think I've become a different person because I look so different and eat differently than I once did. The same goes for Matt and Ramona Show listeners. Failed diets, wardrobe malfunctions, loathing exercise, insensitive comments about my body, relationship drama ... there are so many topics that I've turned into comedic stories. They all had a connection to being the big girl. The voice of insecurity whispers... "nobody liked the SKINNY Oprah!"
The voice of gratitude yells, "THANK YOU!" I'm so grateful that the folks at Catawba Valley Medical Center are helping me tell my story. I'm thankful for their guidance and encouragement. How many diabetics can tell you that their disease is in remission? That's amazing! I feel like I'm aging in reverse because of the weight loss surgery. I moved my mom to the Carolinas to live with me so that I could help take care of her as she ages, but I don't have a Ramona. I'm single and childless. When I think about what my senior years would look like if I didn't get my weight and diabetes under control, it's frightening. My knees and back were already feeling every ounce of my 221 pre-surgery weight. Would I lose my sight? Have diabetes-related heart or kidney troubles? Amputations? How long would I be able to live independently? I've got a second chance at aging "healthfully" and I don't want to blow it. I'm grateful that the changes the surgery prompted are having a healthy affect on my mom! Not only has she lost weight, but about a week ago her doctor reduced the amount of diabetes meds she needs to take. He told her that if she keeps up the healthy changes, he'll reduce the diabetes meds even more and take her off of some of the heart meds too! How can you NOT be grateful for news like that?!?!
Every time someone tells me I look great since I've lost weight, I feel the need to tell them how great I FEEL. The gratitude is fueled by so much more than than losing 3 dress sizes!