Kelly's Blog

 

I'm Blogging Under Duress!

First let me say that I have some amazing friends who I feel blessed to have in my life. Next I'd like to add that those same amazing friends are also a collective pain in my rear! Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a sign that reads "Nag Me" because of all the constant, unsolicited, "helpful" advice they gift me.  

My friend Tammy is a sweet heart who'd do anything for anyone- include spend four hours with me on a Sunday teaching me how to cook! She also believes a person needs to wear clothes that fit them like a glove, and she never hesitates to express her concerns over my ill fitting attire, every single time I see her! In her defense, though, I admit that I used to wear jeans that I could literally slide out of at night without even unzipping. However, after hearing about my saggy butt, and not just from Tammy but numerous friends and family members, I did break down and buy smaller sized pants. Apparently, though, they're just not small enough!  

Here's a side note for anyone wanting to join the Commando Only Club: You have to wear pants that allow for room to breathe. I little give in the waste, a bit of room in the thighs, and then you can comfortably go Commando.  

Now I'd like to introduce you to my friend Michelle- single mom extraordinaire who seems to do everything with grace. She thinks I need to buy a bikini to wear to the pool this Summer. Did I forget to mention that Michelle is 4'10" and weighs 90 pounds? The last time she brought up the subject I said, "I'm a grown ass woman with some meat on her bones! There is no way I'm putting my rear into something small enough to be worn as a hat, or an eye patch depending on the type of suit! No way!" My pool wear consists of either a tankini with shorts or a tankini with grandma skirt. And, when I have to get up and walk around I put on a coverup or wrap myself in a towel. Do I sound like the type of woman who would buy a bikini? No! And Michelle knows that so she constantly mentions it in order to get a rise out of me. Maybe I should buy a string, THONG bikini and pose for photos while wearing it. Then I can email the pictures to her with a subject line that reads: "Be careful what you wish for!" That'll teach her- and I mean that with love, of course!

Tina moved here from Germany and I can honestly say I hit the jackpot when she and her hubby moved into the hood. Not only did I gain a great new friend with a super cool, laid back temperament and great personality, but also because her hobby is baking and she's been hooking me up on cheat day. SCORE! However I had to put Tina on the Nag list because she thinks I need to get my belly button pierced. She has a belly button ring, and even left it in while she was pregnant so she doesn't understand my aversion to the idea of belly bling. This is when I break out my "I'm a grown ass woman" speech! If I'd done it when I was a teenager then it would be acceptable. But I have too much common since to put jewelry in my belly button when it could get caught in my jeans (now that they fit) and possibly snag on my workout clothes. And what happens to a belly button ring as a woman ages? I would imagine it stretches your belly button out and makes it sag. Trust me, I've got enough sagging on my body as it is and don't need any help in that department!

As for Laura...where do I even begin. She is kind, giving, and funny and by far one of the strongest women I've ever met. She's a breast cancer survivor who has been through hell and back over the last year and has made it through with a lot of dignity, class and humor. All that being said, Laura is at the top of my Nag list and is a ROYAL pain in my rear! She not only agrees with Tammy, Michelle, and Tina but has designated herself my daily reminder of their mission at hand. She'll email to ask me how my show is going and in the middle of a sentence she'll plant a subliminal message. For example: "I heard you play Edwin McCain and I belly button piercing LOVE that song!" Or, "do you want to go to Painting With A bikini Twist this weekend?" Of course she makes me laugh, because she's a ding dong, but no matter how many emails, texts, or face-to-face pleas she makes I am not caving in! Well, except when it comes to writing this blog. She has nagged me for months about blogging more often but because I typically feel that I don't have anything exciting to share I tend to forget to blog at night. She reminded me, though, that even my every day ridiculous antics are entertaining enough for most so I blogged about my nagging friends!

The End....and, remember, I'm a grown ass woman so stop with your nagging already!

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