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Daily Dilemma- Unhappily Married

Dear Kelly,

Yesterday my husband was amazing.  He made the coffee, gave me a really sweet card, then picked up dinner on the way home…it was such a great day.  Now it's back to reality because, typically, he's the most inconsiderate man on the planet.  For example,  even when I ask him to do something he puts it off to the point I get annoyed and do it myself.  When I go out of my way to make a nice dinner he never even says thank you or, "geez honey, dinner was great!", he just eats, leaves the table, and goes back to the living room to watch TV.  I want the kind of treatment he gave me yesterday, all the time.  Is that even possible?


Wanting More

Dear W.M.,

Yes, it is possible to expect and receive considerate and loving treatment from your partner.  You have one problem, though.  You haven't made it clear to him that you expect it.  You mentioned that you ask him to do something for you then cave in and do it yourself when he doesn't do it in your timeframe.  Instead of caving in and playing the martyr, remind him of the chore and let him know how important it is that it get done right away.  Do not, under any circumstance, cave in and do it yourself after that.  Once he does what you ask, make a fuss and tell him that it means a lot that he helped you.  Ask him to put the coffee on one morning, then tell him you don't feel like cooking and request he bring home dinner.  Get him in the habit of actually being a partner in your relationship, and one who is very much appreciated, and it's likely he'll happily do those things for you down the road.

Take care,

Kelly McKay

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