My husband's ex comes over to the house on a regular basis, and not just to pick up their daughter. Even if she's at a friend's sleepover, or at grandma's house, his ex comes over and hangs out as if she lives there. She even has a key! My husband seems to think it's a good thing for her to feel comfortable with us, because he knows a lot of guys who have uncomfortable relationships with their exes, but I don't like coming home to find her reclining on my couch and watching my TV!
Had to vent,
Tired Of It
I understand your husband's thought process, but he needs to respect your feelings while keeping the peace with his ex. First, she has no business having a key to your home unless she acts as your pet sitter when you're on vacation. Second, she should not be coming over unless she's there to pick up her daughter or unless you've invited her over for a family dinner. As a matter of fact, plan a dinner and then have a talk with her while your husband is present. Tell her that you're glad you all get along so well, but confess that it does bother you that she comes and goes as she pleases. Ask her to respect your boundaries and only come over when invited, and when picking up her child. Go ahead and be the bad guy. She'll get over it and your husband, apparently, doesn't have it in him to do the right thing.