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Lamar reviews- The Expendables 3

I’m not saying the cast of this movie is old but, the average age of the 3 biggest names is 69. Word is they had toyed with a few different titles for this movie; Hey You Kids, Stay Out of My Yard, The Revenge of the Mall Walkers, or my personal favorite, Hey, Turn That Crap Down! But they settled on the easy to remember Expendables 3. It’s been two years since the last Expendables and they really wanted to get this one out sooner but naps, multiple overactive bladders and having to eat dinner at 4:30 slowed down production.

This one still has the standard stars. Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Courture, and Terry Crews. Arnold Schwarzenegger is back but Bruce Willis as Mr. Church is not. He was set to film for 4 days with a salary of 3 Million. He demanded 1 Million a day and Stallone cut him loose. Three days later Harrison Ford replace him as a new character called Drummer. It is funny to watch as Stallone’s character Barney asks where Church is. Drummer responds that he’s here on short notice and Church is “out of the picture”.
Another funny reference comes for added character Dr. Death played by Wesley Snipes who they have to break out of prison. When asked what he was in for he replies “tax evasion”. Out of nowhere Antonio Banderas shows up as a character named Galgo, a nonstop talker who comes across like he just got done drinking 6 expressos and doing 3 lines of cocaine and wants back into the mercenary game.

Mel Gibson plays Stonebanks the villain. He used to be part of The Expendables team but went bad. Barney thought he had killed him but was wrong. When Stonebanks severely injures one of the team Barney decides they’re too old and before anyone else gets hurt he disbands the team. He then goes out and gets Kelsey Grammer’s character Bonaparte to find him a group of younger mercenaries to go after Stonebanks. Of course that goes wrong and the original team has to rescue the new team. This more complicated plot line pushes this to over 2 hours. That poses a problem for the target audience which has to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes. It is Rated PG-13 for violence and some language.

The Expendable franchise is like The Love Boat for aging action stars with nothing to do. I think this will be the end of it unless it makes another 300 million. But that’s what I thought about the second one.

My Score: 3 Buds

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