Wasn't sure you wanted a printed copy. Are you going to post it on web? I've had a bunch of emails from people who either missed it or want somebody else to hear it........
Yes Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday that only benefits the greeting card companies, candy companies, and the flower industry. Federal Income Tax was only supposed to be temporary. If you refuse to recognize and participate in either one, you my friend are screwed. If you mess up on taxes it’s a fine. You drop the ball on Valentine’s and it’s a life sentence.
Buy flowers. If your wife works there is only one place she wants flowers. That is at work. When they sit that arrangement down on her desk she gets the same feeling you do when your kid gets a base hit, runs a touchdown, or hits a three pointer. Do not send a single rose to work. This is not a sentimental gesture, it is a competition. As a man you cannot let another man send nicer flowers to his wife than you do to yours. Do not embarrass her, it will not go well for you. If you have missed the work window today, all is not lost, but do not go home without flowers.
If you want to save some bucks try a local grocery that has a floral department. Some like our local store Harris Teeter deliver. Do not stop at the convenience store and get the silk rose, the crystal rose, or the chocolate rose. These reek of desperation and panic.
Dinner Under no circumstances should you let your wife cook. Period. If it means bringing home a Big Mac, do not let her cook. You have 2 options, cook for her or take her out. Best option is take her out. Take her out to the next level of restaurant you normally eat at. Not the same place you go all the time. Put on some clothes. By that I mean nothing with a sport team or NASCAR logo. No Duck Dynasty. Not that shirt that says “this is not a bald spot, it is a solar panel for a sex machine.” I’m talking a shirt with a collar and a sport coat. If that term is unfamiliar to you, it is that jacket without a zipper that your wife made you wear to your uncle’s funeral. Don’t worry, you don’t have to button it. Yeah you’re going to wait in line. This gives you a chance to practice your conversational skills. Leave both cell phones in the car, the kids will be fine.
Fellas, today is the day to do something you’ve never done before. And if you’re lucky and you pull it off she just might do something she’s never done before.
Ladies you are going to have to judge your man on a curve but just like training a dog. You have to reward good behavior. Just remember inside every Homer Simpson is a little Christian Gray wanting to come out and play.