Insider

Email updates, contests and more... are you IN?


Search Show Archive

Stuff We Talked About

 

Lamar reviews - Scary Movie 5

This is another one of those good news bad news movies. The good news is they waited seven years since Scary Movie 4 to make number five. The bad news is that wasn’t nearly long enough. I assume they thought after so many years people would forget how bad it was seeing these movies. Yeah, that's I used to think until I walked in on my MeMaw naked! It's not true, you never forget. It's only been in the last 10 or 12 years that I could hear the word knee highs and not picture MeMaw's boobs.

If you've seen any of the other four Scary Movies you know the premise. If you haven't seen any of the others then congratulations, you've had a more interesting life than a few million other movie goers. The entire basis of these movies are pop culture references and horror movie parody. Sadly not all pop culture references are funny, unless of course you're Seth Macfarlane and you're writing Family Guy. So if your making pop culture references that are not connected to a funny joke you’re just doing trivia.
The first couple of Scary Movies were directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans and written with his brother Shawn and had a lot of really funny stuff. When they left so did the funny. David Zucker took over and he has no excuse since he did Airplane and the Naked Gun movies. Maybe OJ threw him off his game, who knows.

This movie led off with what I'm sure they thought was a strong opening with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan. In my opinion it could not have been weaker. What possible joke about either one of these cats could they have come up with that's not already on a t-shirt that you can't give away at a yard sale. Basically the scene opens up with the two of them getting ready to make a sex tape. While Sheen makes fun of his partying and sexual appetite, Lohan references her arrest record and tabloid history. I have to say she looks really good for a woman in her late thirties, sadly she is only 27. And Charlie Sheen looks even worse. When they are laying in the bed it looks like a display for a buy one get one free autopsy!
The entire bit was so predictable and tired. I think having her as a driving instructor and him....well, have him not there would have been a better direction.

As far as the parodies, they used Paranormal Activity, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Ring, Mama, and Black Swan. I'm pretty sure the closest that half of the people seeing this movie got to the Black Swan was reading The Ugly Duckling in kindergarten.

The other mark of these movies are the cameos. Over the years some fairly big stars have done them. Not so much in this one. Jerry O’connell, Kate Walsh, Heather Locklear, Molly Shannon, and then we move down to Snoop Dogg, Kat Williams, and Mike Tyson. Then when they can’t get real stars to show up they use fakes. Fake Morgan Freeman voice over, fake Leanardo DeCaprio, fake Tyler Perry doing Madea, and a fake Honey Boo Boo. When you can’t get Honey Boo Boo to show up and squeeze her belly to make her navel talk you might want to re-think this whole movie business.

Anna Farris was replaced with Ashley Tisdale from the Suite Life of Zach and Cody. I really think she has way more potential than this. I hope she will get some better parts.

86 minutes Rated PG-13 for language, gross humor (well, gross; not any acutal humor), partial nudity, and sexual situations.

My Score: A warm Zima you can no longer find. I wish the same cound be said about this movie.

·
Like
neutral