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Lamar reviews - Movie 43

Movie 43

I didn’t think it was possible but I have found a movie that I can’t find the words to describe just how bad it is. Well, words that can be said over the radio. This is not so much a movie as it is a sketch-comedy. Supposedly like the 70s movies Groove Tube and Kentucky Fried Movie but more offensive and way less funny. Think about Saturday Night Live if you didn’t turn it on until 12:45 only less desperate and no where near as clever and funny.

It is full of big name stars; the question is how did they wind up in this film? Halle Berry, Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman, Richard Gere, Josh Duhamel, Greg Kinnear, Terrence Howard, Dennis Quaid, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Uma Thurman, Kristen Bell, Emma Stone, and a bunch more. They didn’t do it for the money; they only got paid scale which is $800 a day. The first skit has Oscar winner Kate Winslet on a blind date with Oscar nominee Hugh Jackman who plays a highly successful lawyer. When they arrive at an expensive restaurant and take off their scarves she discovers Jackman has what is certainly fake testicles, although very realistic, hanging under his chin. Everybody seems to know Jackman’s character but they don’t notice what’s dangling under his neck. I can’t understand what Hugh Jackman was thinking when he agreed to do this. I did read that the producer who had been trying to get this movie made for 10 years saw Jackman at a wedding and got him to agree to do this scene. Evidently even rich Hollywood stars can’t resist an open bar. Had he seen these dangling from the rear bumper of a four wheel drive pickup and thought “that would look funny under my chin”?

Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are parents that are home schooling their son and want him to have the full high school experience. They haze him and pick on him unmercifully which could have been funny until Naomi Watts wants to make sure he has sex in high school so he experiences an incestuous with her followed by an awkward hit on from his dad.

Halle Berry has a game of Truth or Dare on a blind date and winds up making guacamole with clearly prosthetic bare breasts followed by a dare involving a turkey baster filled with hot sauce.

There are a nine more that would be too hard to describe but trust me you are not missing a thing. It literally broke my heart to see Emma Stone in this movie.

The tag line for this movie is "once you see it, you can't un see it. This makes Jackass look like a Baptist summer camp. This is ten times worse than what I thought was the worst movie ever, Bucky Larson. Do not go see this movie. Avoid this like gas station sushi.

87 horrific minutes, Rated R for every sick notion that could come from the bowels of Satan. If in conversation with someone they mention they saw this and thought it was sorta funny; flee from them like you would a penicillin curable social disease!

My Score: absolutely nothing

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