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Lamar's Review: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Whether you love it or hate it, this is the best Twilight ever! If you love it this one brings all your hopes and dreams for vampire-human romance to a satisfying end. If you hate it this is the best one because it is the last one. What’s amazing is the last 4 have made over a Billion in the US and 2.5 Billion worldwide. What’s really unbelievable is for 608 minutes of screen time whether she was making love to Edward, fighting for her life with the Volturi, or dying during childbirth, Kristen Stewart’s facial expression never changed. If you include Snow White and the Huntsman it’s 735 minutes. When this acting gig is over, hopefully soon, she should be able to paint herself silver and make a living standing on a box at Fisherman’s wharf in San Francisco pretending to be a statue. I was trying to decide what her motivation is for the constant look on her face. It makes me think of someone who is suffering from constipation, has an ingrown toenail, and has just been told a joke they don’t understand.

This is the second part of Breaking Dawn. That ended with Bella giving birth to Renesmee and Edward turning Bella into a vampire. This one picks up where that one left off. Bella is enjoying her new powers of super speed, incredible strength, and highly acute senses. She’s also excited about the fact that Twilight Vampires never sleep. I always thought the only drawback to being a Twilight Vampire was no cool fangs, getting kicked off Team Jesus, and losing your soul to the fires of eternal damnation. Now I find out you not only don’t eat real food, you don’t get to sleep. Now I realize Twilight vampires don’t live forever, it just seems like forever.

The Volturi find out about the baby and they think it is an immortal that will never mature and can’t be controlled. This would lead to humans finding out about vampires and to prevent that from happening they are coming to kill the Cullens. The family travels the world gathering other vampires to help convince the Volturi that Renesmee is half vampire half human and will grow into an adult and not be a threat. If this doesn’t work, they fight. They make a change from the book at the end of the movie that makes it better if you have read the book. Everybody in the theater had read the book and they were surprised and happy with the ending. That’s all I can say.

Don’t think it’s just 14 year old girls going to see this movie. I was in a theater with about 15 grown women. When Jacob finally found a reason to take off his shirt a lady behind me said “well, it took him long enough!” A few minutes later in a scene Jacob turned to Edward and said “should I call you Daddy?” The lady behind be called out “you can call ME daddy, or better yet you can call me Mama, Hell, you can call me molester if you want to, just go ahead and take off that shirt and those pants.” This is the double standard world we live in. If I had called out the same thing about Kristen Stewart I’d be doing an interview with Chris Hansen on Dateline.

It’s Rated PG-13. It’s the most violent of all the movies. Edward and Bella have sex, Jacob gets naked in front of Bella’s dad; awkward, but you don’t see anything. The sex part would keep me from taking my young daughter but that’s me.

After 5 movies this has to be rated on a Twilight scale. That being said this would be a Full 6Pk of Bud.